it’s been a while since i’ve updated. i guess that my little mood swings regarding my social life and hermit tendencies also affect my blogging patterns.
some of my close friends may know that i go through weird moods of being really social and active for a couple months, then kind of closing off and doing my own thing and being invisible for a couple months, and that’s sorta how i roooooll. ya feel me?
anyway, it’s 2012! wow! 2011 went by fast. i catch myself still saying, “last year, when i was in nyc,” and i have to remind myself that that shit happened TWO years ago! not one! holy moly.
i don’t have a very good sense of time, so i’m not sure i can come up with a list of accomplishments from 2011. i don’t really like to box things like that anyway, so screw it. i’m proud of me and i’m proud of who i am becoming every day and i love being alive. yes, sometimes i wish i would take more advantage of life and sometimes i wish i could be more spontaneous, daring, adventurous, careless, etc., but at the end of the day, “everything i’m not makes me everything i am,” AMIRIGHT KANYE??
i’m starting grad school tomorrow and i’m not gonna lie, i’m kinda freaking out about it. i’m nervous about failure, i’m nervous about trying to be social again, and i’m nervous about being nervous. that kinda sums me up in a nutshell, though. or maybe a tough, nook-laden walnutshell? hm. interesting.
i’ve also taken on quite a fascination with death the last few weeks. and i’ve decided that i don’t like death. death is yucky, it’s inconclusive, it’s too conclusive, it raises too many questions, it causes too much pain, and it’s no fun. i’m deathly afraid of death. i would like for death not to exist. but if death does not exist, would that make life nonexistent? then where would we all exist? fuck. see, this is what goes on in my head all day long. somebody save me.
just kidding that wasn’t a real cry for help. i’m not troubled.
i am. but not in an impending doom kind of a way. just in a kooky, kink–wait. no. just kooky. no kinky. unless we know each other well, in which case, sure i’m down for some kink.
aiyoh. this has gotten out of control. let me stop.
final thoughts? life is good. god is good. i love basketball. i enjoy genuine, fruitful relationships and i am eager for success. and i’m eager to work hard for success. and success brings happiness and all kinds of the warm & fuzzies.