My thoughts on Bachelor Pad & similarly named/themed reality shows

I will be the first to admit that I’ve watched just about every season of “The Bachelor,” “The Bachelorette,” and “Bachelor Pad” to date. I missed a few Bachelor seasons in the middle when I was off gettin’ my edumacation in college, but I’ve seen just about every year. This show has been on since I was in high school and I’ve enjoyed every pleasurable, guilt-ridden, sexist filled minute of it.

Clearly, there are issues with the people going on these shows, the producers who edit the episodes down into what the audience sees, and the people who consume these shows like it’s real life. I have a little bit more of a realistic view point in watching. I obviously understand that these shows are heavily edited and manipulated, they’re very systematic, and just plan fantasyland-filled. I get that. But that doesn’t take away its appeal, and I’m sure that’s why this has been on the air for so long. There can’t be that many clueless people, can there? Nevermind.

I’m going to fill the next 15093582048236 characters with my thoughts and brilliant analysis for my own entertainment…

Let’s look at the formula for “The Bachelor” – 

  • Man struggles to find happiness without TV show
  • Man meets 25 women, most of whom are gorgeous, leggy, big-breasted, spray tanned, and like, say “like,” a lot.
  • Some of the women are brazen and bold – they’re listed as the crazy ones
  • Some of the women are quiet and shy – they’re listed as the cute, hard to get ones
  • Some of the women are not status quo attractive – they’re listed as the weirdos
  • All of these women would kill to get the Man
  • Women begin to fight each other to get the Man
  • Man has to step in to fill the air with some reason
  • Women are enlightened by the Man
  • Women become hot, sobbing messes because they are not complete without the Man
  • If woman does not put out on overnight date (okay I don’t really know if they consummate any relationship but I know the show implies that there will be some sexual healing), she is booted
  • The Man falls for one or two of the women. One will be a crazy one, one will be a cute one.
  • The Man finds a women he proclaims he can heal, protect, love
  • The Man usually picks the one that is not “right” for him, but the “hotter” one, and thus the relationship fails after a few weeks of PR

Let’s look at the formula for “The Bachelorette” – 

  • Woman has been unhappy without a relationship
  • Woman meets 25 men, most of whom are gorgeous, broad shouldered, spray tanned, and like, will totally fix all of the Woman’s problems
  • Some of the men are brazen and bold – they’re listed as the bad boys
  • Some of the men are quiet and shy – they’re listed as charming gentlemen
  • Some of the men are not status quo attractive – they’re listed as the different ones
  • All of these men would kill to get the Woman
  • Men begin to form casual friendships and get brotastic with each other
  • The Woman begins to fall hard for one or two of the guys. One is definitely a “bad boy” and one is definitely a “charming gentleman”
  • The Woman proclaims that this man will complete her, heal her, fix her, solve her problems, provide her happiness
  • The Woman picks the man that best compliments her, thus better enabled to complete her

Let’s look at the formula for “Bachelor Pad” – 

  • 16 of the “most popular” men and “most popular” women from past “Bachelor” and “Bachelorette” seasons get together to live in a fancy mansion, a la “Real World”
  • House is heavily weaponed with booze, bikinis, and spray tan
  • Half of the residents have hooked up with each other
  • The women that have not hooked up with certain men are labeled as “unstable” or “crazy”
  • The women that have hooked up with certain men are labeled as “slutty” or “easy”
  • All of the men are cool, casual, brotastic
  • Lying, sexing, manipulating commence
  • The women have to count on the men to keep them there
  • The men hav e to count on the women to keep them there
  • Evil cycle of doing things with and for the opposite sex that you wouldn’t normally consider without the possibility of $250,000 on the line
  • The unpopular people are kicked off first. The coolest, most brotastic, fun people stick around the longest
The message is pretty clear through all three shows. Women need men to complete them. Women depend on men to make them happy. If you are more beautiful, you have more of a chance. If you submit, you have more of a chance. If you don’t step on anyone’s feet, you have more of a chance.
And we fall for this!!!
Well I discovered a video blog made up by former contestants that has made sufficient fun of “Bachelor Pad” this season. These former cast members seem to be able to poke fun at themselves, acknowledging that the show was mainly faked and edited and produced with a heavily spray tanned hand.
Watching this reminds me that we don’t have to take everything so seriously, that I can sit down once a week and indulge in some serious sexism, and debauchery and it’ll be alright.
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