I’ve narrowed down my schools to 3 and I’m literally in the smack dab middle of this process. The biggest obstacle of course is doing the damn personal statements. I’ve always found it easy to talk about myself and boast of my accomplishments but this time just feels so much harder.
I keep starting, writing, finishing drafts, then tossing them aside to start new ones. I’m not sure what kind of a theme I want to focus on, what elements of hardship I want to leave out, aspects of my characteristics of success I want to leave in. This has all to do with my fear of commitment, I’m sure. I find myself procrastinating a lot and starting over a lot because I’m being indecisive and petty, afraid to commit to a single idea or theme.
I can readily admit that I am also afraid of failure. A natural response from me when I sense that impending failure is possible, is I lay dead. I don’t do anything. I act as if I’m disinterested in order to avoid the sting of failing. A normal thing for most humans, I’m sure.
So I’m sitting here at my grandma’s house with about 5 different versions of personal statements, most of them 3/4 finished, and I’m not really sure where to go from here. I just feel stuck. I need some motivation, some inspiration and some confidence.
Here’s to hoping that I meet my own personal deadlines and I’ll have some good news in October/November. *cheers*