Back in California

I suppose I should change the title of my blog. I’m back in California and getting on my grind. I feel good about life and I feel great about all the experiences I’ve had. I have a pretty positive job prospect and I can’t help but think to myself, I am so blessed.

I used to be such a melodramatic teenager, but looking back on everything with new perspectives, I realize that I have been such a lucky woman. I have always gotten what I wanted, or what I needed. I have been taken care of by everybody around me. And to quote Kanye, “Everything I’m not made me everything I am.” So true. All of my lessons learned, hard and easy, have shaped me into the woman I am today. All of the hurdles, the gifts, the opportunties have defined my history and are buidling my future.

I feel like the road I’m traveling is a road that was paved so beautifully and I’m really enjoying the journey. Recently, I took 2 of my little cousins to see the second “Nanny McPhee” movie. In that movie, I learned a valuable lesson that shed light on a lot of relationships, old and new in my life. She says in a couple of scenes in the movie, “I’m Nanny McPhee…When you need me but do not want me, I will be here…when you want me, but do not need me, I will not.” It goes something like that. It’s so true of so many interactions I’ve had in my life. I’ve been coming to terms with the fact that people simply do not reside in our lives for as long as we’d like them to, or in some cases, they overstay their welcome. Relationships are funny that way, we never realize the true impact a person or people may have on us until sometimes they are no longer around.

I recently lost a dear friend of mine. At least I thought she was a dear friend. I spent so many years trying to relate to her, desperately holding onto her companionship because I felt weak and insecure without her. We grew apart many years ago, yet I forced our friendship, manipulated it, made it so that I was an integral part of her life and that she was an integral part of mine. She has since completely vanished from my life. I was originally pissed, hurt, confused. But I realize now that I do not need her or want her and that the lessons she taught me are done. I can move on now, accepting that people come and go, but that doesn’t mean my memory of them or my gratitude for what once was has to die. I can simply thank her for being a part of my life for those few years, accept that we no longer need each other and have grown apart, and move on, no hard feelings.

I guess this was a segue way into touching on my experience in New York. It started off optimistic and wonderful, and it ended up being kind of bittersweet. I feel thankful for what I learned. I’m thankful for my friendship with Nelly. I’m happy that I learned so much at Marian Hall, but ultimately, New York is done with (for now) and we can part ways, knowing we helped each other and touched each other and that chapter is concluded. New York was in my life in a time when I did not know I needed it, and didn’t necessarily want it, and now that I don’t need it, but miss it terribly, I’ve left it and can build upon other areas of my life.

I hope to update the blog more. Maybe have more concise updates and perhaps add some news and images on here.

Peace

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